Hi readers... this is a late translation for the past post. Enjoy it :)
Hi got your emails for the last post, thank you so much... I still need to find out the reason why my posts are coming with the wrong date... Anyway... the right date for this one is June 11, 2008.
Today I'm feeling as if I'm a Greek who belongs to the 7th Century... wisdom? No... Rational? No... As I always do I'll introduce you to my daily days, so you'll be able to get why I'm feeling so Greek today.
Do you remember about my car wash? Well, as I promissed to myself I washed my car twice this week, today and on this Monday. Now it's fine... that big mess won't keep inside of the car anymore hehe I listen to my IPod while I wash my car as I told you before, but last night it wasn't workin' "your Ipod has been corrupted". What the fuck is that? So I woke up upset. Then I started thinking about my life while washing the car. Today I'm in a terrible mood, the worse of them all. I woke up with so much pain in my body, I didn't sleep well, I'm in those women days. After a while I started organizing all my things, I sent a few messages to a special person in my life, and suddenly I was so happy. I washed the car after that, I painted my nails, I called a musician from a band, made a few researches on internet and... and... and... that's all. I was so mad that I had so much free time. God, I want another kind of life... I can't stand this life of doing nothing! I tried one more job yesterday, the boss of the place said she didn't need anyone else, but she would be happy if I could fill up an application. Shit, I hate these applications... I don't understand why they ask you to fill up another paper if they ask you to come with your Curriculum vitae and you fill up that paper with the exactly same information of your CV!!! But I gave her a smile and I filled up the document. That didn't hurt, I just copied the same information of my CV in the store's paper, at least I had a little time of my day occupied. I had a good feeling about the boss... anyway, that's another subject. The problem is... I wanted that the boss could call me today and ask me to work there right now. When you don't have a shit to do you want things right away. If I send my CV, I want an answer right away, if I call someone I want this person to answer my call right away, if I send a text message I want an answer back right away, if I feel such a pain, I want this to go away RIGHT AWAY! Things don't work like that, I know that well. I need a quick change, I need to be occupied, and with this au-pair salary in my life... it's not working at all... I've been eating books, watching movies, learning lots of things, but I still feel an empty room inside of me because I'm plugged in the electricity and simply have nothing to do! This last weekend my friends told me that I'm electrifying, that I don't stop for a minute, and all the time they were asking me "relax Malu, sit down". I just can't, I have too much energy. I wanna do different things during the whole day and I can't do a god damn thing. I'm desparate!! There are lots of people who want days off, but I want desperately to work even more! The house is perfect, it's clean, smells good, the clothes I washed, folded, put them away, the dishes are clean, etc... shit! There's nothing I can do at home either!!! I posted on internet looking for a band and one more job, I answered other posts, and... NOTHING. Can you feel how desperate I am? That's why I bother people who are busy. I call them, I email them, I make such a noisy mess, I want company, I wanna talk, I wanna cry. Depression. Suddenly I feel depressive, I think about the money I don't have, and the people I don't have to talk to me. I cry... it's too much time... to much free time for a person.
Last night I tried to make a person feel better and asked him to pray. The prayer connects us to God, and calms down our hearts. Of course it doesn't last forever cause we are human-beings, but praying is really nice. That's what I need now... Well, I'll ask God to help me to find a busy way. Last time I asked a friend from a church, remember? My wish became my reality in that same week cause God heard my prayer. Ok Father... do it quickly, cause it's been hard... I wanna keep smiling and up, I want that this comlletely free moments can dissapear from my life!!
There was a time in my life that I worked as crazy... I worked 14 hours a day, and after work I had to go to the university... I complained so much about it that I got a new job in which I earned three times more than the last job, and unlike the other one I didn't have to move my ass for anything. I got this conclusion: it's better if you don't have time at all than if you have too much free time... unless you wanna be a Philosopher.
That's how I got to the point that I feel as if I'm an Ancient Greek recently. To become a Philosopher you need lots of free time to question things, to think, etc... that's how the first Philosopher was born. His name was Tales de Mileto, in the Ancient Greece. This guy was the one who described the solar eclipse, he found out that water gives life to people and things... this man kept looking at the sky to know about the weather conditions. Thank God for the Philosophers, but there are people just for these things. I like some way to philosophy, but I prefer to move. To work and have no time to breath. No Philosophy, I wanna be away of being a Greek Philosopher.
Philosophy means "love of knowledge", "love of wisdom", and I really know much more things now that I have time to read more, research and questioning. To hell with the Philosophy! Today I'm not a friend of having more knowledge, I'd rather to be it's enemy, so I won't have so much free time. When we don't have so much time, we discipline ourselves and the little time we find in our days become worthy, so we have part of our time to read a good book, make a research for pleasure, and question things. I wanna a distance from the Ancient Greece now.
I wish I could not have time to write down blogs. I went to a few places today to send my CV, I answered a few more posts on internet, I cooked lunch AND dinner, I cleaned the house, I watched a movie, made a few calls, and I can't wait to pick up the children at school...
Reader, if you are one of those who doesn't have ANY free time, raise your hands to God and give thanks that you're not feeling the same emptyness I am. What makes me less sad is to know that this free time one day will be ocupied with more work, more studies, and more people to talk to. It's not easy to be away from everything and everyone, especially when you're by yourself in a foreign country. Today I feel as I'm an Ancient Greek, tomorrow I'll be brazilian. Here comes the famous phrase "Brazilian people are hard workers". Well... not them all... but many of them look for an ocupation, not the monotony. A hard worker in the US is a good mix. The Law of Attraction, The Law of Love, my faith, and God... they're by my side, even in sad moments like this now. I'm gonna make it!
Remember when Albert Einstein said "Time is illusion". Actually, today I feel that time is a hard reality. No more Ancient Greece in my life!
Have a busy day readers!
With love,
Malu xxx
